but see i'm trying to find my place
by chann3l.0rang3
Summary: In which Beca tries to reach out to Jesse... but is rebuffed. [Drabblish]


**but see i'm trying to find my place**

**A.N: So, here's my first attempt at a Pitch Perfect fic! I'm on a roll with these recent stories :)**

**Set around Spring Break in the movie, when Beca and Jesse weren't talking.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Beca Mitchell walked past <em>that <em>spot on the grass and sighed.

Out of all the people stuck on campus during Spring Break, it had to be her. But where else did she have to go? She certainly wasn't going to hang around with her Dad and the step-monster, and Beca didn't have any friends outside of college. Let's just say that between almost-assaults and cackling females, Beca didn't particularly see the outside world as _friendly_.

Originally she had made plans with the aca-bitches to perform every other day but those plans had fallen through once she quit the Bellas. Thinking about them now brought a lump to her throat and regret in her heart, so she brushed it away by shoving her headphones on her ears and zoning out to her latest mix.

**xXx**

"Jess? You gonna eat that?"

Jesse looked up at his sister and shook his head, sighing. He saw her confused gaze and stood from the dining table, causing his parents to look at him curiously.

"Honestly, I'm not hungry anymore. Take it, Leah." He turned to his parents. "Thanks for dinner Mom and Dad, but I guess I don't have much of an appetite."

He left the room before the questions began, escaping to his own room and locking the door behind him. Immediately, he headed towards his vast DVD collection (_and yes it was fucking huge but, sue him okay?_).

His eyes fell on Black Swan, then The Breakfast Club, and finally Breaking Dawn Part ii (because he liked to laugh at their pathetic attempts at a fight scene). He paused for brief moment, but then pulled out the second movie. Jesse's DVD collection was alphabetized, because life without order got under his skin, much like a certain five-foot, ear-spike wearing, sarcastic beauty with the most expressive eyes...

Tearing his thoughts away from that particular person, he turned to his laptop, which was already set and waiting for his next movie viewing. He flopped on his bed, pressed play, and lost himself in the movie.

**xXx**

It was perhaps 4am in her dorm when she woke, startled out of her dream by a buzzing. She turned her head to see her phone alight with a missed call. Grumbling, Beca reached her arm out to grab the device. Her muttering stop shortly however, when she saw the name "Weirdo" light across her screen. Heart thumping, she pressed "return call", and only just swallowed the anxiety as the phone rang once… twice… and then cut off.

Beca's eyes filled with tears and she dropped her phone on her bed, trying desperately to pretend like Jesse hadn't just rejected her call.

**xXx**

Why did he call her?

He had told himself that she didn't want anything to do with him.

He had told himself that she obviously wasn't the one.

He had told himself to have a clean, healthy break, where no short, beautiful females could crush his heart into tiny pieces anymore. But after scrolling through the pictures on his phone, he saw a rare photo of Beca smiling, grinning… and his hands moved of their own accord to hear her voice again.

When he realised she wasn't going to answer, he hung up with a heavy heart.

**xXx**

On Friday night Beca spent half of it sending Jesse texts that ranged from angry to apologetic as she clutched a whiskey in her hands. It was a small bottle nevertheless, but small didn't exist when put next to Beca.

She drowned in her sorrows through the alcohol, and only the hangover in the morning really told her what everyone else didn't: She was a mess.

**xXx**

**_[12:09am]_**

From: Becs - _Jesse, u called me 2 days ago. Wat do u want?_

_**[12:12am]**_

From: Becs - _Ok, u kno i didnt mean it like dat. But y did u call me?_

_**[12:30am]**_

From: Becs - _Can u answer me plz? I dont like bein ignored by nerds_

_**[12:37am]**_

From: Becs -_ Seriously jesse. I kno u're mad but come on_

_**[12:58am]**_

From: Becs - _I think abt u all d time._

_**[1:05am]**_

From: Becs - _Youre prob sittin dere rolling ur eyes bt its tru i cnt get u out my head u're like some anoyin pop song u wind up luvin_

_**[1:06am]**_

From: Becs - _… Did i use d wrd "lovin?_

_**[1:34am]**_

From: Becs - _Fuck t, cnt evn den y it._

_**[1:53am]**_

From: Becs - _Hey jese, i thnk im gna wath the brekfst lub toomow_

_**[1:57am]**_

From: Becs - _It s not lke i hae anthig beter 2 do im oficaly a lonr agan_

_**[2:08am]**_

From: Becs - _U kw i thin it s realy fukin annng hw im porng my whole sol in o tis shi t ad ure jus igning me lick do u hink i hve feelings u kno how muc i ucking care u son f a bich_

_**[2:26am]**_

From: _Becs - Fuck i didt mean tat i men maye i didbut i had no rite 2_

_**[2:54am]**_

From: _Becs - I;m soryok im sory I wa sch a fucup but tis us scarred me. im not used 2 feelin luvd n showin luv ok bare w me pls dnt giv u_

_**[3:25am]**_

From: Becs - D_ont u 4get abt m_

xXx

Jesse read the last text she sent and tried desperately to act like it hadn't sent a poisoned knife straight through his heart.

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><p><strong>A.N: Not my happiest, I know. But Beca was feeling something she's never experienced before - believe me, I know how much it hurts. Anyway, R&amp;R maybe?<strong>

**Here's a translation of the texts Beca sent, in case, anyone was a little confused:**

:

**_[12:09am]_**

From: Becs - _Jesse, you called me two days ago. What do you want?_

_**[12:12am]**_

From: Becs - _Ok, you know I didn't mean it like that. But why did you call me?_

_**[12:30am]**_

From: Becs - _Can you answer me please? I don't like being ignored by nerds._

_**[12:37am]**_

From: Becs -_ Seriously Jesse. I know you're mad but come on._

_**[12:58am]**_

From: Becs - _I think about you all the time._

_**[1:05am]**_

From: Becs - _You're probably sitting there rolling your eyes but it's true I can't get you out my head you're like some annoying pop song you wind up loving._

_**[1:06am]**_

From: Becs - _… Did I use the word "loving"?_

_**[1:34am]**_

From: Becs - _Fuck it, can't even deny it._

_**[1:53am]**_

From: Becs - _Hey Jesse, I think I'm gonna watch the Breakfast Club tomorrow._

_**[1:57am]**_

From: Becs - _It's not like I have anything better to do I'm officially a loner again._

_**[2:08am]**_

From: Becs - You_ know I think it's really fucking annoying how I'm pouring my whole soul into this shit and you're just ignoring me like do you think I don't have feelings? You know how much I fucking care you son of a bitch?_

_**[2:26am]**_

From: _Becs - Fuck I didn't mean that I mean maybe I did but I had no right to._

_**[2:54am]**_

From: _Becs - I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry I was such a fuck up but this - us - scared me. I'm not used to feeling loved and showing love okay? Bare with me please don't give up._

_**[3:25am]**_

From: Becs - _Don't you forget about me._

_:_

**Any mistakes are mine.**

**-chann3l.0rang3**


End file.
